On This Day
Facebook has a feature — “On This Day” — that allows for users to see what they posted on that very day x number of years ago. When I first began using Facebook, I used the feature often, and would check it every day. As time wore on, however, I began to feel that it kept me somewhat stuck in the past and less focused on the present.
Ever since Covid-19, I find the idea of looking at the feature depressing and overwhelming. I do not need reminders of when I could spend time with loved ones outside of my nuclear family, unmasked. Reminders of when I could attend my son’s school performances, or engage with him and his classmates in a classroom activity. Reminders of when he was an infant and my father was alive. Reminders of when we could travel. Reminders of when the world felt familiar and safe.
Ever since Covid-19, I find that I must focus on the present moment in order to remain grounded and healthy. I must focus on the task at hand in order to not drown under the fear and worry of a loved one becoming ill, or possibly never seeing a loved one alive again.
I know that for some, looking at pictures or videos from years past is healing and a reminder that we will one day be able to be in the world with our loved ones, unmasked, again. But for me, more than nostalgia, it brings sadness and fear. In order to survive this current moment, I need to muster all of the strength I have and I feel stronger focusing on the here and now.
On this day I must wear a mask (or two) when I leave the house.
On this day I can bask in my son’s scholastic success despite having to learn remotely.
On this day I am grateful that my loved ones, both in the United States and in Ecuador, are alive and safe.
On this day I am grateful for painless breath.
I am here, on this day.
